Breaking-up is tough.
And even though every being is a “unique snowflake” (or so they claim), but the breaking up process is essentially and universally the same.
Gal: I need to talk to you.
Nice Guy: Sure! (Hoping Gal wants to profess her innermost feelings)
Nice Guy with Slightly Naughty Intentions: Sure! (Hoping Gal wants to profess her innermost feelings that will lead to a making out session)
Naughty Guy: Sure! (Hoping Gal wants to profess her innermost feelings, that will lead to wild, animalistic sex)
Gal: I’m breaking up with you.
Nice Guy, Nice Guy with Slightly Naughty intentions, Naughty Guy: WHAT???
Never mind the fact that the Gal hasn’t called them for the last 3 weeks, and all the calls that were initiated by them ended abruptly with the same lame excuse of sleepiness, and all messages sent were replied to after 3 days with “i just saw ur msg”, but all men’s typical reactions will be identical; utter shock and disbelief.
Gal: I have to go now. I have a [Insert according to age group: class/lecture/ meeting/ airplane to catch]
Nice Guy, Nice Guy with Slightly Naughty intentions, Naughty Guy: Wait!
Gal: Bye, I’ll call you..
Nice Guy, Nice Guy with Slightly Naughty intentions, Naughty Guy: ok
The Gal has already disappeared by now.
Nice Guy, Nice Guy with Slightly Naughty intentions, Naughty Guy: Please?
Unknowingly to the unfortunate trio, this will be the first of many “Please” s to come, that will be met with icy unpleasingness.
After going back home, the three stooges check their mobile phone every 5 minutes, make sure that it’s not turned off or put on silent. When it rings, they jump onto it, only to find it’s a wrong number or their best friends
Best Friend: Hey man, what’s up? Let’s hang out at the same place we hang out at everyday and do the same thing we do everyday?
Trio: I’m tired man, maybe some other day
Best Friend: We’ll have ice-cream
Trio(thinking to themselves): you know ice-cream would be helpful for my spirits!
Trio: Ok sure! Come pick me up.
Best Friend and The Three Blind Mice meet lots of old and new friends. The atmosphere is vivacious and filled with mirthful laughter and good times. The second that the About-To-Be- Officially-Broken-up-With guys begin to enjoy their time and forget about that nagging feeling in the back of their heads that their blissful existence as they know it is about to be eternally shattered..
The phone rings..
Trio (jumping out of their seats): Heeyyyy. Thanks for calling I thought that you’d never…listen, I was thinking, maybe we can work this out, please?
Gal: I’m sorry Trio, this isn’t working out for me, I need my space, I’m at a phase in my life where I need to be focused on [insert according to age group: studies, career, boyfriend (note this offer is valid only for Naughty Guy], children (note this offer is valid only for VERY Naughty Guy with Demented Directions], it’s just that I’m not sure about what I want in life.. yadda yadda…please don’t get hurt…I’m not worth it…it’s not you, it’s me.. blah blah blah..you deserve better than me..etc. etc.]
Trio: ummm, please?
Gal Demoted to Heartless Bitch: I need to go now. I’m sleepy. Bye
2 to 9 ignored SMS’s later containing lots of ‘plz’s that eventually derail to ‘fuk u bitch!’s and ‘am srry, tht msg wznt meant 4 u plz it wz 4 my cuzn’ they realize the sad reality of the situation as it is;
They excuse themselves and go to the bathroom.
Nice guy weeps in the locked toilet.
Nice guy with slightly Naughty Intentions stares at the sink.
Naughty guy smashes the mirror.
Breaking up is tough, everyone will tell you that. But what no one will tell you is that we are all, essentially and universally, part of the same big snowflake.
To be continued.
Breaking-up is tough.