27.2.08

On Dating in Amman and Such

So I noticed that things have become quite serious around here, and I'm only assuming that my fans are missing my usual quirkiness.

So here goes nothing, again..

Today my topic of selection is dating in Amman. There can be no spot on God's given earth that is more complex in this aspect than Amman. (Ok maybe Saudi Arabia)

So you managed to convince that girl in school or work to see you after office hours after lots of negotiating, offers, counter-offers, counter counter-offers, you get the picture.
Now, the girl will go out with you for 1 out of 3 reasons:
1- She has nothing better to do with her life.
2- She feels like getting a free lunch/dinner/coffee.
3- She sees potential in pursuing a relationship with you.

So the girl walks into the meeting place and peers suspiciously around, like a hunting hound sniffing for tracks. This is done for a one of two of reasons

1- She wants to check if any of her blood-thirsty, broad-shouldered, knife-wielding brothers, cousins, 2nd cousins or x-boyfriends are around. (Please check my Amman corridor post to know what I mean)
2- She wants to check if you are good-looking enough and/or rich enough to be worth the 1+ hour out of her lifetime.

Let’s assume that no major relatives or acquaintances are around and you’re not as ugly as a mountain troll. The girl approaches and sits down. You make a few silly comments about the weather or work, crack a joke or two, ask a one or two questions. And somehow the girl starts yammering about one of the things you instigated. Now, If you like the girl, and would actually like to also pursue a relationship with her the best thing to do is:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

Ok let me rephrase.

Put a sock in it. Bite your tongue. Stuff a foot in your mouth. Whatever you choose.

She doesn’t want to hear anything about your 2-day vacation in Syria with your homeys, or your fake promotion or options in your car or your cousin in Dubai who you will move with soon. Let her blabber her brains out about her shitty job, abusive boss and jealous coworkers. Fact is, the more she blabbers the more she likes you. If she sits and stares into space or plays around with her food or drink, then you’re in deep shit and pretty much ruled out already, because no, she’s not daydreaming of how awesome you are or what you will name your 3rd baby, she’s thinking about that other guy who is the exact opposite of you and doesn’t need to flaunter his alleged assets or care much for her feelings and why the hell isn’t she with him now instead of the endless bore that you are.

Here’s the tricky part. Just because her mouth is moving up and down endlessly doesn’t mean you shouldn’t understand the words are coming out of that hole called mouth because there’s a 50% chance that those words actually mean something. So I’ll strike it up a notch and say

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN.

I know how hard it is to concentrate and how easy it is to drift into thoughts about WWF, 50-inch LCD’s, Playstation 3, Pamela Anderson running on the beach naked and so but it’s worth it.

Halfway through the date women tend to fiddle with their cell phones, no matter how interesting you are. Women are in love with their cell phones and most probably she is texting her best friend whom by now knows all about you, something along the lines of “its goin good J” or “this sux L” or “am bored :@” depending on how much you listen to my advice.
So she looks at her watch and it’s 8:09PM already and she says that she must leave. I suggest you listen to what she said if you don’t want to confront her knife-wielding, tongue-twisting, 1992 BMW-riding cousins to beat the daylights out of you.
If your cell beeps a little before midnight with a gentle message wishing you a good night and sweet dreams, then you have to know you have been given the green light to ask her out for a second date.

Which I hope for your sake you don't scew up.

43 comments:

Al Ramahi said...

Loool, so true :)

Batoul A. said...

lol! got us all figured out. Except the stfu part, I dont think a lady wishes to sit with a wall... some interaction please.

hemlock said...

umm. now i know how to date a girl in amman. except it wont be of any use to me.
you do understand youve pretty much reversed the "how to pick up a guy in one date" thing and applied that to ammani women? guys have the time of their lives when they get to talk about themselves =P
*yawn*

Desert Princess said...

hahahaa... any tips on how to date a sheikh in dubai? :O

Expated in Dubai said...

@Al Ramahi, yeah unfortunately it is..
@Batoul A., Ok I'll go back to the post and change it so we shut the fuck up and nod every once in a while.. :)
@hemlock, yeah I understand guys make up for their insecurities by talking about their cars, jobs, apartments.. I am not aware of the "how to pick up a guy in one date" thing, maybe you could enlighten me? :)
@Desert Princess, why don't you start off with an unlikely Jordanian and see how it goes from there? :) Or send me tips on how to date a sheikha in Dubai..it works for me either way :)

Desert Princess said...

Lol.. now why would you want to date a Sheikha? They're boring!!hahaha.. hurry up and update btw!!

Expated in Dubai said...

Well I've been told that I'm a very entertaining fella, and you know what they say about opposites? :)

Desert Princess said...

yes - opposites attract for about five minutes before they spontaneously COMBUST leaving everything and everyone around them in utter devastation!!!!! Um. Okay. Where did that come from??!?

Expated in Dubai said...

I utterly have no clue.. but come to think about it, I think I changed my mind :)

Desert Princess said...

hehe, so my sudden burst of shit wasa ctually powerful enough to change ur mind? hehe.. I'm honoured!!

Expated in Dubai said...

Well I didn't change my mind..but I won't pursue any tips from you for sure :P

Desert Princess said...

lol.. Didn't think I'd fall from grace THAT quickly!!!

Expated in Dubai said...

You would think if you read your outburst.. Is there anything you would like to share with the audience? You can tell us.. We are all friend here..

Desert Princess said...

um yeah I'm sure we are Dr Phil, but no thanks!! Don't u have work to do? Or does 'work' consist of commenting and blogging? That would be the life!

Expated in Dubai said...

I could ask you the same thing, you know..?

Desert Princess said...

you could but you wouldn't be so unoriginal, would you? :P

Expated in Dubai said...

hehe, I guess you're right..why don't you send me your email to expated-in-dubai@hotmail.com and we can carry out this conversation not in front of a wide audience..

Desert Princess said...

wide audience? heheeh.. u flatter urself :P

Al Ramahi said...

No no, we are enjoying the conversation, you can carry on right here :)

Desert Princess said...

lol@ al ramahi... I think the conversation has ended..sorry! :P

Expated in Dubai said...

I told ya I have a wide audience of supporters and stalkers, but you wouldn't believe me :)

Desert Princess said...

1 person doesn't really constitute a whole range u know :P

Al Ramahi said...

Damn, what a shame. Oh well :P

Desert Princess said...

@ al ramahi: haha, cos it was really interesting I'm sure :P

Expated in Dubai said...

It's not a matter of quantity, it's a matter of quality, and Al-Ramahi has a lot of that :)
Besides I'm sure there are other secret stalkers who won't reveal themselves..

Desert Princess said...

hahaha..if u look at this thread, it actually looks like I'M the biggest stalker! lol

Al Ramahi said...

Lool @ desert princess, you can't belive how much this conversation is interesting --> NOT! hehe, expated basha, you always flatter me :) GO to work you guys!!

Expated in Dubai said...

See desert princess, I'm not the only one flattering himself here..
And Mr. Ramahi you know damn well that none of the 3 of us has any serious work to do, besides the weekend is only 5 hours away..so why bother..? hehe

Desert Princess said...

Speak for yourself dude! I have loads of serious work to do! But I can multi-task quite efficiently so it's all good :s and yes, the weekend's a few hours away.. and lunchtime is even closer. Those are good enough reasons to chill out a bit I think!

Al Ramahi said...

My weekend is still 7 and half hours away :(

Desert Princess said...

...and 48 seconds, al ramahi? :P

Al Ramahi said...

To be precise desert princess, and 5 minutes and 3 and half seconds :P hehe

Desert Princess said...

glad to know ur not avidly keeping count or anything :)

Al Ramahi said...

Yalla inrawwe7? Hehe!!

@Expated aren't you comming here soon?

hemlock said...

umm. it seems weird to reply to your comment now expated... the conversation has taken a whole... different course.
but i wonder. why do you want to pick a guy on a first date? umm...
exploring avenues? =P

Expated in Dubai said...

hehe, no I'm comfortable with my own venue.. But it is always enlightening to hear what you women have to say about picking guys up (which is usually a 3 point step (and I'm guessing here)), whilst when it comes to women psychology, you need a 200-page, thick book :P

hemlock said...

it's actually very simple.
go on a date. let the guy talk. about himself. dont ask any questions, dont comment on his manners, dont remind him he eats, talks and acts like a pig...
and youve pretty much picked him up. correct me if im wrong here :D

Dino$ said...

hahha true!

but i have another theory.

She could be out with you to piss off her ex boyfriend who is going out with her best friend.

Or she found out that most of it is becoming more and more common to turn gay in amman so she decided to take you out to check if u are straight.

whats up with the faffeeeeee look in amman?

nice boset. its a nice

Chris Scull said...

any suggestions for my loser buddies to get a date in Dubai?

Expated in Dubai said...

@hemlock, Well, I hope it's working for you, is it now? I just can't help but wonder what sort of "pigs" this tactic yields.
@dino$, yeah forgot about the damn ex-boyfriend. And about the faffee look, do you know that they're giving people tickets there for pulling their pants low or showing off their boxers. I just hope the opposite sex gets similar treatment though I doubt it.
I like.
@Chris, hehe, well I'm getting there.. I would start off with de-losering myself if I were in your friends' shoes since Dubai is the city of hot shots :P

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

Dhow Cruise Dubai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Romana said...

I have read' your article.Its a best one in current scenario Yacht Charter Dubai