On Legalizing my Driving Status and Such

In continuance with the generosity of this hospitable country, the authorities here decided to go ahead with legalizing my driver status. The social fabric of the testing car is something worth mentioning.

Events taking place in real time.

An Emarati tester, a Hindi senior-level employee, Pakistani worker, and a Comedy Arab (what my coworkers refer to me by)

Anyone sees any hints in this arrangement here?

Emarati (talking onto the phone to another tester): Yeah, yeah, so you're changing lanes now? Ok change your face!
Emarati (to anxious Indian): Start!
Emarati: Start!

So the Indian starts by almost bumping the car parked right in front of him.

Emarati (jerking the hand brake): Get out! Failed!
The Indian sulks away in sadness and an obligatory head wiggle to where a group of his short-lived cheer-leading squad of fellow Indians stood in stupor.
This is a good start
Emarati (talking to me): He wants to hit the car and is expecting me to pass him.
Me: Hehe
Emarati (rolls down the window and shouts to failed Indian): Deco, deco! (Look, look) pointing with his 2 finger to his eyes and back at the car

Confident Paki gets into the driver seat, guns blazing: I came all the way from Abu Dhabi and this is my 8th attempt.
Emarati: Start Start!
The Paki reverses
Emarati: STOP!! Failed!
Paki stares in sheer horror
Emarati: I joke! I joke! What, you no funny Baba?
The Emarati was my kind of guy, I seriously contemplated asking for his number to hang sometime.
Emarati: Start. No nervous Baba!
The Paki is helplessly sucked into a prohibited street.
Emarati: OUT! OUT!

My turn.
Comedy Arab: Salamo Aleikom
Emarati: Wa aleikom il-salaaaaam Comedy Arab
The image of me bumping up and down in a beat-up Chevvy with loud hip-hop music making gangsta signs with my fingers twisting around, as the people behind bob up and down, bombards me as usual.
Comedy Arab commits a terrible mistake
Emarati: You just committed a terrible mistake, they’d fine you 5000 Dirhams if they caught you.
Comedy Arab: Then thank God I’m with you! (Damn, I can be witty sometimes)
Emarati grins.
Comedy Arab clicks his fingers, what’s that phrase? what’s that phrase?
Oh yeah; ma tgasser akhooy! (We are not in shortage of your generosity, brother)
Such sweet words that have wondrous effects and insinuations.
I drive back to the center, proud as a peacock, where I couldn’t help brushing on my flirting skills

Paki worker comes to me asking for directions for the eye clinic
Me: Baba I don’t know, I don’t work here. But go there that looks like a clinic!
Paki walks into a different door.
Me to girl sitting next to me asking to be hit on: I wonder what would’ve happened if I gave him the wrong directions (I think the Arabic version is much funnier “Shu kaan saar law daleito ghalat?”
Girl bursts in laughter
Girl: So you took the daftar (notebook)? (I think she meant the license, any Lebanese wanna help me out here?(Preferably, hot (Making brackets within brackets is plain ridiculous, if you ask me))
Me: What daftar?
Girl: You’re not Syrian?
Me: No, everyone thinks I’m Lebanese then think I’m Syrian, that’s cuz I’m good-looking..
She laughs
Girl: So Lebanese are good-looking?
Me: I like to think so, to boost my self-esteem you know, so you’re Syrian?
Girl: I’m Lebanese, I don’t need no boosts of self-esteem.
Me: Hehehehe

It was an excellent come-on, except she wasn’t too attractive, and had too big boobs which I’m intimidated of.

So, if you see someone cruising along Sheikh Zayed Road, in a tinted automobile, head bobbing to blaring Hip Hop music, doing meaningless finger movements conveying unknowable gang signs, smiling to random women, flashing his cell phone, or just noisily listening to Jordanian national songs like “Hashmi, Hashmi” “Jeishana Jeisha il-watan” wiggling his hand in the air, then it’s most probably me ..

Or Sami


Who's-sane! said...

I was so enjoying the post till I reached the intimidation part. Everything lost its true meaning after that :(


KJ said...

You should have told her you're Syrian. Sign a peace treaty with her ;) hehehe

I'll see on on SZR soon :) Welcome to the traffic

rosh said...

OMG this is soooo funny -almost fell off my couch, laughing so hard.

Excellent writing, fantastic humour!

ps: friendly tip, mind want to tone "paki" to just "pak". the former is a brutal slang on south asians I think?

Expated in Dubai said...

@who's-sane! , hehe, I did mention that I am an "unlikely" Jordanian, didn't I? I recommend you watch "Mitch Fatel's" stand-up comedy to know what I mean..
@kj, I don't wash no one's dirty laundry :) I'm joking, thanks though
@rosh, I'm not in the business of offending anyone,*grins*, but really, can I get a 2nd opinion on that, and I'll change it once it is confirmed :)

rosh said...

Wallah I know you wouldn't offend a soul ya raayal :) Your posts come across, warm, carefree and with such fantastic humour, there is a huge "feel good" vibe about them. I truly enjoy reading all of 'em :)

My two cents worth of tip, was based on this link (perhaps a second opinion?).....

I was oblivious to it at first, until someone corrected me.....yalla, back to reading your older posts :)

Expated in Dubai said...

Hehe, thanks man.
You really got me figured out :)

PS "Ya rayaal" is my fav Emarati phrase :)

Rambling Hal said...

Like Who-Sane, Im still reeling about coming across a male specimen intimidated by big boobs.

So really? REALLY?!?!


7aki Fadi said...

lol at the big boobs.

But as Hal said... REALLY?

rosh said...

Yeah really?


Expated in Dubai said...

@Hal, male specimen??
Why do I get the eerie feeling that I am behind a glass window and being watched by curious women scientists with clipboards?
"Did you see that? he just twitched!"

Since whatever I say to defend myself will only be used against me, I will let Mitch do the defending.



rosh said...

I must add - the post is very true to the perils & process towards a drivers licence in the UAE. Thanks for this post, reminded me of my drivers tests in SHJ back in 1995 as a 19 yr old :)