On Coming to Amman and Such

I am due in Amman this weekend for my quarterly status report and to shake my booty to innumerable weddings.

How do I feel about it? Well, I’m not excited at all to say the least.

I come back a changed man, and I’m not so sure how my friends and distant family members will accept this new man. I am pretty sure that I will be referred to from hence on as “Abu-Shakha ta3 Dubai” , “yir7am gamlo, ma kaan abel kamm shahar in Amman” translated to “Father of Piss” (it’s a Jordanian nickname, so don’t bother) “Who does he think he is? Just because he went to Dubai a couple of months means he can look down on us?” It’s your typical Jordanian boy goes out of the village to the city, or more geared to me: gangsta from da hood to uni. (West Side!)

There’s also the dreaded family visits.

Over lunch

Acquaintance: So how is Dubai?

Me: It’s nice.
Me (to myself, sometimes a little too loudly that the people sitting next to me notice): Here it comes.

Acquaintance demoted to Bug: How much do you make?

Me (smiling): I'm ok

Bug: Like how much?

Me (Wider smile): They are planning on building [insert random story of the most recent obscene landmark in Dubai] in Dubai

Bug: Really? My cousin is in Dubai. His name is Mohammed something. He works in an IT company. Or was it Engineering?

Me: I’m not sure I know him. (Just because I am in Dubai doesn’t mean I know every fucking Jordanian/ Palestinian there)

Bug: Ok can you find me a job there?

Me: and what happened to your Mohammed something? Why doesn’t he find you a job?


Me: I’m kidding of course I’ll find you a job. I will even host you at my apartment and let you use the gym and swimming pool in my building. There’s a nursery too if you wanna bring your wife and kids.

Bug beams.

Bug: Ok give me your email. I’ll send you my CV tomorrow.

The CV pops in my inbox in a couple of hours with a hideous passport image of Bug wearing an equally hideous tie attached to it)

Me: Hahahahaha (clicking the delete button)

(Inspired by a true story, that is even more absurd in its details that it might be featured later in the Misadventures)

I am ready for Amman, but am not so sure if Amman is ready for me.


secratea said...

loooooooooooooooooool @ the whole post.. you are hilarious!!! good luck in Amman

rosh said...

lol EID - that's hillarious! I guess at times, people can be direct - "how much do you make?" lol. love the way you write.

Enjoy your time in Amman with family, friends and mom's home cooking perhaps?

Safe journeys :)

Kinano said...

Bugs need to be, generally speaking, swatted ;)

Have fun in Amman.

7aki Fadi said...

OMG don't tell me about that , 3anjad.

Every time I go to Amman numerous bugs ask me, “awllahy kef canada? And because I am bardeh sometimes I say, wallah she is good, bitsallem 3ailakom , and I laugh bizanakha hahahahaha, nips the conversation in it’s bud, try it :D

But I feel ya man I fee ya, gol3aaaaaaaaaaaaat.

But don't worry this phenomenon is not limited to Amman, my brother in law left Canada to work in Dubai 3 years ago, so every time anybody talks to him (he is a shakha kbeereh in Dubai, for real, like HUGE) they ask him for a job or ask him how is Dubai and hook me up, and oh, all of them are Canadians, so I was talking to him about how much of a cliché it became to anyone living in Dubai to be asked these questions....

Mahoo ana 2oltillak inno gol3at.

And oh, before I forget HAHAHAHAHAHA

KJ said...

I feel for you man. Same thing in Syria. In face same thing here with most Syrians, as if anyone's salary will help someone else to find a job.

If I can find someone else a job I wouldn't be waiting for a job opportunity myself!!!!

Wonders said...

:( i haven't beeen back yet!! enshallah in September.
i think you will enjoy it when people start giving you stuff to give to their relatives in Dubai. they'll say i have a small thing i want to send to my son/daughter, you get embaressed and agree and to your surprise they want to send tanaket zet zatoon :)

Rambling Hal said...

:D hahahaha....

Well, if u need to escape from all the wedding/family obligations and are perhaps craving an alcoholic beverage, perhaps I can step in and help you out? I didn't get to hang with u in Dubai, but hey, if I buy you a drink, think you can find me a job in Dubai and let me use that pool/gym combo?!? :D


(Oh, most of that was sarcastic, but I do mean it about the alcoholic beverage. A hobby of mine is locating new drinking buddies.)

(Or u can do coffee, I'll do vodka.)

(I probably should have emailed you this shouldnt I.)


Expated in Dubai said...

@secratea, thanks, the pleasure is all mine.
@rosh, yeah mom's home-cooking mlookhiyeh (spinach) and the countless un-home cooked mansaf (explosion)
@kinano, I totally agree, and I did have fun, thanks for the wishes..
@7aki fadi, can your shakha kbeere brother-in-law hook me up? How much does he make? hehe
@kj, ditto
@wonders, September? That's the time everyone is lying home doing their homework and getting ready for exams. Actually, I carried a wider array of objects to relatives here, a bridal dress,a blender, and someone's lost diary :S
@Hal, yeah you probably should've emailed :), I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to meet though I really wanted to. But I was overwhelmed and heads over heels with social obligations. Not to mention my lost connection with the world by not having an internet connection and deliberately ignoring getting one.

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

haha when i go to amman they keep asking me about wlad 3am abo ukht khalit sit-hum who apparently works in uae and for some reason you should know EVERYone who is in uae! its like a built in sensor !!

do they give you the *rubbing pointer with thumb ( money implication) move when they know you are from dubai!? ya3ni as if sirt khalas rich!!

akh akh

you know once i was in the airport coming from dubai to amman! the lady in the bathroom says " lalieeesh ijeeeto haaan walkum yiftha7 3arthkom ma3naash floos ni7lig"

nice welcome back to jorban

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

ba3dien nseet mumkin ab3at SEE FEEEE ibn khaltee il fi falasteen la 3indak ? hhahaha :P

Expated in Dubai said...

@ Yeah tell me about the getting rich thing, hehe. Everyone was like, "Khalas you are in Dubai, when you are getting married?" as if going to Dubai is equivalent to getting married.
and about your cousin, and I'm only guessing here.. don't you already live in the UAE? And you have lived a longer time compared to me, and I mean he is your relative, catch my drift..? hehe