On Misadventure No.4 the One Where I Go to a Football Match that Ends Poorly

It's that time of day again, ladies and gentleman, in which I share with you another story of my embarrassing yet eventful and enticing past.

There is a particular football match that is stamped in the memories of all Jordanians who lived in the nineties like an eternal birthmark. Everyone knows it; you, me and every Jordanian we know.

I am talking about the final match between Jordan and Iraq in Amman Stadium in the Pan Arab Championship in 1999 which Jordan won after 2 excruciating extra time, and penalty shootouts in which the woodwork were deservedly crowned men of the match.

After that, Jordan wasn't quite the Jordan we know.

Random flashbacks
Girls painted with the Jordan flag on their faces cheering shrilly on the sides of the streets whereas it was taboo not so long ago, boys hurdled in the bucket of an excavator as it rocked them like a baby's cradle, a water tank circling my street all the time pissing what we like to think was hygienic water at the onlooking, cheering bystanders. A kid was actually dancing and singing to the water tank "Rashrish 7ubbak ya gameel" (Spray me with your love, O beautiful one(A Syrian sonnet))

You can’t make these things up.

Being the patriot and lover of football I am, I decided to go with a friend to cheer for Jordan in Amman stadium. When we entered the stadium, it was jam-packed with cheering, whistling, screaming, sweating all-male Jordanians. I couldn't see the field if I stood on the tip of my toes.

Me: What are we going to do?
Friend (Eyeing the wall on which numerous cheering people stood above the already cheering people on the stairs)

Now let me explain a bit. The stands were made up of 3 large concrete steps on which hundreds of people sat with their feet dangling. Now the long wall separating the stadium from the outside park had an iron wall mounted on top of it. People stood on the ledge of the concrete wall, so that the tips of their shoes didn't touch anything at all. My friend climbed the wall first and gave me his hand till I stood hazardously on the ledge hanging from my hands behind the iron wall like the image of Jesus Christ on the cross.

The cool thing I realized about football matches is that you can spew whatever shit you want and no one would give a damn less.

Me: Yifda7 3ardkooooooo (Fuck you)
Just for trial purposes. No one flinched. Cool.

Jordan were 4 up, the crowd were frenzied, screaming, clapping, shouting, spitting. Then a sudden terrible change of fate happened in which Iraq started scoring goals one after the other

After the first goal , slight murmurs of disapproval in the stadium
After the second goal, low curses of discontent here and there
After third goal, fuck this shit, loud curses involving a lot of the players' female members of the families' private parts. The goalkeeper got the lion's share of those curses.
After the fourth goal people started banging the metal wall that I was hanging onto with their hands that I swear to you the force of the bangs propelled me downwards and was near to throw me down.

Lunatic Friend: Hang oooon. Hehehehe! (Obviously having the time of his life watching the panic precipitating in my face)

Iraq came near to winning but the referee blew his whistle and it was time for penalty shootouts in which Jordan won thanks to the woodwork.

That's when all hell broke loose.

The gate separating the crowds from the football field fell down in a blink of an eye in more than one part of the stadium. People started infiltrating into the football field carrying their Jordanian flags like leeches swarming onto meat, waving them around and running randomly. Ambulances rushed in to remove the injured people, and the flags that were waved awhile ago were now being used as covering blankets or for waving air into the gaping mouths of the unconscious.

Me(still hanging from the wall): This looks like fun. Do you think this is real grass?
Sami: Let's go and find out.

So I tiptoed slowly into the football field and went through the broken fence, and into the field where the players just moments ago were maniacally chasing a tossed ball. I started running in circles with the wind in my hair and the grass at my feet.

Me: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. This is the life

Suddenly, a policeman shows out of nowhere as they always like to do

Policeman: Wala!! Shu bitsawi hown? Hey!! What are you doing here?
Me: Errr
Before I opened my mouth to voice my answer I rushed all the way back to the stupid wall I crawled from, climbed it and hung myself from the metal wall again.

Later on my friend caught up with me

Lunatic Friend: Hehehehe, Man! I never saw you run so fast

DISCLAIMER: Lots of Jordanian and Iraqi football fans were hurt in the production of this blog post. Thankfully, I was neither of them

The End