7.11.07

On Business Trips and Such

Business trips are the most lonesome time for any guy

It’s at these times, when you’re alone in a lavish hotel room, room service a button away with hundreds of TV channels half of which you don’t understand the languages spoken that a man entertains his darkest thoughts..

Marriage.

But aside from that, it’s always a pleasure to go to new places and meet new people.

My latest trip was to Oman. And even though I hold an unjustified, personal grudge against Oman, I must say that it is a very beautiful country with super-friendly people.

So on the subject of business this is a compilation of what doing business with all sorts of nationalities looks like. Please note that this list is made to be as offensive and racially insulting and discriminating as possible. If you do not have the bile to accommodate such nonsense, then what the hell are you doing here in the first place?

Egyptians

Egyptian: Hi I am Mahmoud. How are you? How iz za health? How iz za family? Yez, Mistar Sami I want ze product delivered yesterday at 4am in za morning ibleez.
Me: Whaaaa?
Egyptian: And you are not allowed to use a comboyutar.
Me: Whaaaa?

Egyptians love to negotiate. They just negotiate for the hell of it because there is nothing better they can do. They also love to make unrealistic demands and false deadlines.

Lebanese

Lebanese: Wow, I love your tie. Where is from? No, don’t tell me. Mmmmm. Massimmo? (proceeds to flip the tie, I shudder at the proximity and at the possible homosexual innuendo) My friend’s brother has a tie exactly like it. He wore it when we went to the club Triology. You know Triology? Yeah I go there every Thursday with Rita, Nadia, Sameera. Why don’t you come too?
Me: Rita, Nadia, Sameera??? SURE!!

Jordanians

Jordanian: What’s your family name?
Me: Oh.. fuck!
Jordanian: Fuck.. you tell me.. Hmmmm, I know a Tareq Fuck. Is he related to you? We used to share the same seat in junior high. (please note that there is no homosexual insinuation here, this is the way seats are made in Jordan, two people's asses are safely warmed by wood the seats are made of)

Saudis

Saudi: I want the color green in my product..
Me: But…..
Saudi: No buts, if I hear another but I will make another unrealistic demand..
Me: But…
Saudi: Ok I want the picture of Sami Al-Jaber in my product. Or I tell you what.. I want the whole Saudi football national team in there too. And Mohammed Al-Deaie.
Me(weeping): But…

Indians

Me: I want..
Indian: Yeah, yeah, yeah
Me: But..
Indian: Sure, sure, sure..
Me: Well if you know what you are supposed to do.
Indian: yeah, yeah, yeah

Of course the final result is anything than what you wanted..

Russians

Egyptian, Jordanian, Saudi, Lebanese: How much?

15 comments:

Completely Anonymous and 100% Private said...

Oh honey,

Even why you try to be offensive, it doesn't work out. You are such a sweetheart. How did I get so lucky to have you?

And I pulled your mother's hair and teeth. Your genes seem superb. When can we set the date?

7aki Fadi said...

HAHAHAAHHAHAHA .. especially at the last one.

OMG , if you EVER ( :P) get married your blog will be friggin hilarious.

Dude, you still reading that book? Is it ass?

KJ said...

You're a nut case and unfortunately I have to agree!

I must introduce you to my Russian (AND DECENT) friends.

Kinano said...

INSANElY ENTERTAINING!

:D

Expated in Dubai said...

@Completely Anonymous and 100% Private, your Mom must have said a prayer for you on a blessed night. I still didn't get yo check your genes :P
@7aki fadi, I liked the use of the word "ever", in your comment, what are you implying? :)
I finished the book a long time ago, but I'm too lazy to change the picture. I think I like the color of the cover of the book on my blog, it goes well with the theme. And the book was amazing. A little on the depressing side, but very enjoyable
@KJ, sounds like fun, I'm always up to meeting people from all walks of life..
@Kinano, yep that's me :)

7aki Fadi said...

EID: Donno , you give out the vibe that you are not ready to get married yet :) . And that is not necessarily a bad thing.

And I noticed you've been getting a lot of propositions from single ladies , now who wants to give that up for marriage, I mean COME ON :D.

Cool, I am gonna check out the book, are you reading anything now?

Expated in Dubai said...

Yeah I guess I have been getting lots of proposals, but again, I am very particular. :)
Yeah I started reasding this book called "The Namesake" about this Indian kid who is raised in the US and grows to hate his culture and name.
Sounds familiar?

7aki Fadi said...

oh oh oh I heard about it , it's on my list.

Expated in Dubai said...

shoof il-sudaf

rosh said...

hahahaha! H-O-L-Y, that's hilarious and goddamn true!

Expated in Dubai said...

Yes, unfortunately it is..

ammaro.com said...

haha, this was great and right on point! *claps*

Expated in Duabi said...

Glad you enjoyed it :)

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