On Getting a New Car, Islamic Loans, Nancy Ajram and Such

Thus far, getting the car was my most difficult feat in Dubai.

Papers, signatures, cheques, down payments, checkups, mechanics, car salesmen are all a natural recipe for disasters.

I searched all over 3 different emirates for a very particular car.

No one said I wasn’t a flamboyant ass.

The search took me a whole month of commuting, scouring newspapers, calling, haggling. Finally, when I found the car that I set my eyes on since coming here, I was faced with all sorts of different debacles.

Car Salesman: What bank is your account with?
Me: Name an anti-Islamic, interest-gargling, pure profit-oriented, anti-religion bank
Car Salesman: Sorry that won’t work out, you need to take an Islamic loan, I'm an old man and I don't want to get mixed with haram money.

Not that I have anything against that, on the contrary, I tend to respect people who adhere to their beliefs in the midst of all the debauchery and tempation going on. But if you wanna come down to it, it is all the same, only a difference in naming.

I hope to have the luxury of pinning down everything on the greedy, fake-smiling, suit-dressing, over-sized watch wearing jerks at the bank on Judgement Day. After all, they are the ones with the beards and prayer mats.

And since you’re all wondering what car I treated myself to, I got an Audi A4. Very beautiful car with all sorts of needless options that I will most probably never figure out. I called her "Aida" and am known for singing "Aida, Aida, ecoutez-moi" in my coarse voice while driving.

What a leap from my previous car, that was a 90 something beat-up Lancer that had a knack for breaking down in the middle of the road on rainy days with brown, boiling water popping from the radiator threatening to eternally scathe my model looks, as other driver pointed at me and laughed.

Car Salesman (smugly): You Jordanians love BMW (as if it needs a rocket scientist to figure that one out)
Me: Yes, but I am an unlikely Jordanian. HA HA HA
Car Salesman(fake laughter): HA HA HA
Me: HA HA! Together, we will rule the universe, as Car Salesman and Buyer, MuwahA HA HA!
Car Salesman(more fake laughter): Ha ha. What did you just say?
Me: Errr.Nothing.

I wanted to make sure that no one guesses my nationality by my car so that when I cut on someone he wouldn't say something along the lines of "effing Jordanian/Palestinian", the way I know when I see a BMW 320i vroom-vrooming on Jumeira Road, that it has a Jordanian owner, or when I see a Peugeot 206 with a drop-top that the owner is Lebanese (damn, you love your drop-tops, don’t ya?), or when I see Corollas or Accords or Altimas, well, you know.

So now I’m zooming around, hitting the kick down, flicking radio stations like a maniac since I have the luxury of doing so using my steering wheel, making “W” signs with my fingers mouthing “Wes’ Bank” to passer-bys as I listen to blaring hip-hop music and trashy Arabic music for the likes of Nancy Ajram and Tamer Hosni.

There goes my to-do list for this year. Actually, there remains one last thing.

Nancy Ajram, will you marry me? I promise to give you the remote control and feed you twice a day.


wonders said...

mbrooook, 3o2bali :(

KJ said...

mabrook man, inshalla you and 3ayda have a happy and fruitful life.

nzm said...

Congrats on the car.

Great post - made me laugh! :-)

Kinano said...

Congrats mate!

I sure hope Nancy reads this post :P

Rambling Hal said...

Mabrook - that's my dream car. You get to live the dream. I get to be envious.

rosh said...

hahaha! car salesmen can be chameleons

A4 eh?, we've got the same cars now. I love my baby, it's ever so dependable. You got a Quattro?

Nancy Ajram - H-O-T and simple, sophisticated, homely, everything you want a woman to be..*sigh*

Expated in Dubai said...

@wonders, Allah ybarek feeki. 3o2balek soon
@kj, Thanks, we both are looking forward to that :)
@nzm, Thanks :)
@kinano, Thanks, I hope so too. If you know someone that knows someone that knows Nancy Ajram, do let them know please.
@Hal, Allah yabrek feeki. Dreams are over-rated.
@Rosh, I got an A4 3.0. She is a beauty.
And as for Nancy Ajram, you're not going to compete with me over her, are you?

rosh said...

Since we both have the similar chick magnet (the A4) - I guess it shall come down to who's got the better traits/flirt weaponry and all eh? I've got my passive aggressive ways with women folk, almost never failed me muha muhahaa!


I guess they don't sell Quattro (All wheel drives in UAE) - given there's no snow etc? Nevertheless it's a brilliant car, you shall love it - drive safe.

Expated in Dubai said...

hehe, well I have my cute looks and childish charm :)
May the best man win. Don't worry, I promise to hook you up with her sister or stylist.
I think I saw a Quattro somewhere in AD. Yeah and as for the A4, I am already loving it..

rosh said...

sister or stylist, awww thank you :)

7aki Fadi said...

I guess I am late to the party :) . Congrats , tihriha bil3afieh (is that what people say? hehehe)

Expated in Dubai said...

hehe 7aki, what's a party without our special blabberer?
Thanks, haratek il-3afieh :)

inmotion said...

I got an A4 8 months after I first moved here. I named her Liberty.

I always name my cars guy names cuz u know well .. anyways .. this time the A4 came as a she and let me tell you .. shes a whole lot of fun to talk to and be in and with :)

As for Nancy Ajram - its your lucky day. I'll tell her next time I see her ;)

Expated in Dubai said...

Yeah so far Aida has been such a good, fun girly to be with..
Please do, and let me know what happens. I'll make you my best WO-man, I promise. I can do that it is my wedding after all..

inmotion said...

You know its pretty sad when you're attached to your car just like you would be to your family ..

I'm not sure I can introduce you to her anymore .. you sound like stalker material :D

Expated in Dubai said...

Is it really sad? I mean I can't think of any family member who would get stuck for hours in traffic, take me from one place to another, all the time singing good music..
Me? Stalker? Noooo. Just send me your email and you'll see how much of a stalker I can be. I promise to only email you 7 times a day..

inmotion said...

what kind of family do you have?

in my house if one's in it the rest are in it too .. and we all sing .. infact we woulda been the arabic jackson five had it not been for my mom's fanatic tendencies ..

your state of affairs is worrying sir.

and no you get no email .. crap .. I hint at a possible meet and hand shake with nancy and you're all over the idea .. haha .. don't make me get a pre emptive restraining order ..


Expated in Dubai said...

hehe, that's funny.."pre emptive restraining order"..I think pre emptive is a funny word, wouldn't you agree? Especially when used in counter-terrorism means..But I won't get political..
You needn't worry though, I'm too young for you anyway :P
Unless you're into the whole Demi Moore- Ashton Kutcher thing then let me know..

inmotion said...

hardly political .. you're just emulating Bush for lack of a better retort :) but I agree .. funny words uttered by an even funnier man

I told you your alter ego had more game :)

Expated in Dubai said...

That's the reason I created him in the first place :P

inmotion said...

3a 'awl wa7de bna3rifa ..

shatir shatir


inmotion said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Expated in Dubai said...

oo 3a 'awl wa7de bna3rifa, (hiye zeita)
meen baddo yil3ab lu3bet hard to get?

inmotion said...

iza int 3am til3ab hard to get 3ayb til3ab wa7dak .. o bi3tizir minnak iza ana ma shiftak 3am til3ab.. masghoule la'an ana 3am bil3ab funny to watch

kil sine wo inta wo el readers tab3oulak bkheir ya rab

wo inshallah el sine el jdeede bitjiblkon ma3a plus de belles surprises


Expated in Dubai said...

3aleina oo 3aleiky inshallah..merci beaucoup..

Fishing In Dubai said...
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Emmie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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