On Driving in Dubai and Such

In continuance with my newfound, hard-earned freedom of earning a UAE driving license, I decided that I should temporarily rent a car and be among the newest to be welcomed onto the hazardous and infamous traffic of Dubai.

Someone should prepare an orientation program about driving in Dubai in clear bullet form for us novice drivers.

  • Indians are generally-speaking lousy drivers and have very bad judgment of the term “personal space”, think of them cramming by the thousands into a train and you won’t blame them anymore. Approach with care.
  • Indians talking on their phones can be very hazardous to your mental and physical health and stability. Try to avoid at all costs.
  • Arabs feel that such trivial things like looking to their left and right or using indicators are unneeded luxuries and a terrible waste of much-needed time and effort. So is stopping at red lights. (I’m only joking Dubai Police, don’t take this seriously. Oh and about that nice photo you took of me on Sheikh Zayed Road, please tell me where I can pick it up from because I plan on posting it on my Facebook account and tagging myself. Many thanks)
  • When a sudden, blue light flashes out of nowhere, please hit the panic mode and start worrying about your makeup looking good, and whether it was you who got fined till you forget all about the car stopping in front of you with emergency indicators.
  • Cars swaying to the right and left on Sheikh Zayed Road means that someone is listening to some loud music and dancing to it or making out. Ok yes I dance to music in the car, shoot me.
  • In the unfortunate case of an accident, please stand in the middle of the road, proudly displaying the wreck that your car has turned to, fuming angrily and flailing your arms, it helps the cases of us commuting around to arrive early and earn our bonuses and raises.
  • Paying 4 dirhams is no absolute guarantee that you won't get stuck in endless traffic.
  • When stuck in traffic, wave to people around you, or at least have the courtesy to make goofy faces to your neighbours in traffic, they really appreciate it and are likely to respond similarly.

Feel free to update this list at your leisure.

Now that I’m cruising along the streets, grimacing against the blinding sunlight, pushing down my sunglasses to the bridge of my nose in attempt to read the signs and uncountable exits, I have found myself in more than one unfortunate situation.

Me: I’ll take this exit
Friend: No man there’s too much traffic, it’ll take us forever. Let’s take the next one.

Half hour later, cruising in the middle of the fucking, uninhabited desert, as car zooming next to us on the other side of the road at unspoken speeds that the force of the wind propels us sideways.

Me: Shit! What the hell is this? (Indicating a beware sign depicting that camels cross this road) Where the fuck did civilization disappear?

Drive safely. And do not come close to me please.


KJ said...

LoooL, good one. You need to extensively update it though. I will let you explore the roads more :)

CG said...

Listen Dude...I am officially Queen of the Roads here in Dubai. Get in my way and I will squash you with one nudge of my truck.

BuJ said...

oh boy.. you got CG on your tail? allah yustor..

i'd pull out my spark plugs if i were you.

oh, and pigeon-holing drivers according to nationality is so 1990's.

Asoom said...

Hilarious! LOOOL

rosh said...
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rosh said...

hahahha this is hilarious!

Most Indians in general, can't drive beyond 60km/hr and 80km/hr is equivalent to supersonic speed. Don't ask me why, I don't know.

Most Arabs, can't be bothered - they like to go with the flow with a carefree attitude.

Most Brits - drive so very careful. Jumeirah Janes do not drive fast enough and when they've got kids in the 4 wheeler, it's even slower.

Cabbies have gone insane, can't blame them, they spend all waking hours in traffic mayhem.

I drive quite fast, but careful and use indicators - however I shall blow away a Nissan Sunny snarling on the fast lane, with pleasure.

My brothers & friends - speed all the time. Infact the youngest one usually goes from 0 to 100 in a few seconds! My 3 year old nephew, hates driving around in my mom's Honda and prefers my brother's M3, it amazes me how much he likes speeding! I've come to some sort of a rather naive conclusion - if you are born in the UAE, speeding is inherent in you :)

Expated in Dubai said...

@KJ, Thanks for the offer. I am happy exploring them myself and getting lost everyday.
@CG, Are you asking me out? :) I'm not that easy
@Buj, welcome to my blog, I agree that it is so 1990's but you have to understand the difference in the timeframe spent in Dubai. We new expats are still reeling from the whole out-of-worldly culture shock that Dubai is..
@Asoom, Thanks :)
@rosh, Yeah I know what you mean about being blowed away. I never knew cars could get this close till I visited Jumeira Road.

Anonymous said...

So true!! it really gets to my nerves when the idiot infront of me is thinking: "Green means go or stop... go or stop..."!!!

Also when driving on SZR specifically and there's space infront of me and i'm accelerating when suddenly an idiot jumps into my lane and slows down to 70k

One last annoying habbit is breaks, why the hell do u press them with no reason what so ever?? why why why????

Sorry i said last but this is really the last :), their curiousity that makes slow down to see the accident their fellow idiot driver has caused on the other side of the road is not a good reason to cause more than 500 people to arrive 10 minutes late to their destination.

I am done bitching thank you! :D

Expated in Dubai said...

hehe wonders, why don't you guest-post on this blog? you already wrote a comment that is longer than the post itself :P

Romana said...
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Romana said...

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