On Sudden Hiatuses, Kanye West, Terrorist Roots and Such

Obviously this blog hasn’t been updated in a while (hears faint echoes of “Duh!”, “La ya sheikh?”)

But there are good reasons for that, and they do not include me lying in my apartment poking my belly-button for the mere fun of it.

It’s been a hectic, eventful couple of weeks. If not the most eventful ever. Really. There were lots of first times in Dubai in it. (I can see where your thoughts are trailing, and no I’m not talking about that)

1- First traffic ticket. As I arrogantly cut in line in front of tens of cars on a crammed exit, a policeman greeted me by recording my license plate. Thanks man.
2- First guests to crash at my place. I enjoyed your company, wish you stayed a little longer. They also had a synchronized snoring mechanism, in which the first was polite enough not to cut in snoring after the second.
First Dude: SNOOOOOORE
Second Dude: snore
FIRST Dude: SNOOOOOOOORE
Second Dude: snore
You get the picture

3- Going to Wild Wadi water park. Highlights include standing in line for 40 minutes for one ride. I understand the traffic congestions on the road, but in a fucking water park to slide down in less then 20 seconds is just beyond me. A Philiphina girl looked down and was too scared to go for it. So I screamed “Yallaaaaaaaa”. Everyone found that funny and joined me in screaming. However the girl didn’t budge. I got bored again and decided to sing “Heyyy, hey faisali” My friends though I’m embarrassing them. Finally, when I got to ride this was the conversation that went on as I slid down the slide at an astronomical speed.
Me(swallowing massive amounts of chlorine water): Glug glug glug!
Lung(to Brain): Dude, tell the idiot to shut his main orifice. I’m drowning here.
Brain(to Lung): Aye, Aye Captain. Operation Shut Down Orifice in operation now.
Mouth: Whaaaa?
Lung (to Brain): I think we already swallowed too much water here.
Brain: What are you saying? Don’t tell me..NO!
Lung: I’m afraid so! initiate Operation Permanent Shut Down..
Brain: No please don’t..
Lung: Just push the damn red button.
Brain: It’s been a pleasure serving with you captain.
Lung: You too
Silence
Me: Hey I arrived. I’m still alive. Yay!

4- Going to the Kanye West concert. Highlights include:
Some chick spasming in the middle of the concert.
Nearly getting into a fight with a half-naked dude that turns out was actually hitting on my friend and was asking him to “go out for a talk”.
Kanye’s “Stronger” performance with glow in the dark jacket.
Kanye dancing like a possessed maniac in "Jesus Walks"

5- Next I decided to get in touch with my terrorist roots, so I went shooting and got 3 bull’s eyes which supports my parent’s theory and nullifies mine that I am adopted and am really originally Palestinian. Any terrorist group wanna hire my services? Qaeda, someone? My hourly rate is set to 560 Dhs for the sheer joy of my company, I don't see how being a terrorist should be different.

Errr. We already established that I’m joking before, right? I’m not ready to be shipped to Guantanmo yet and orange doesn't suit my fashion sense.

Me(flailing the gun around): Look at me, take a picture of me with the gun!
Instructor and Friend: GAAAAAAA!
Instructor: Please sir, keep the gun on the platform.
Me: Hehe, don't worry, it's not loaded!

On another note Momo called and is looking to invest 10-20 million in Jordan. Anyone interested?