29.10.07

On Sudden Hiatuses, Kanye West, Terrorist Roots and Such

Obviously this blog hasn’t been updated in a while (hears faint echoes of “Duh!”, “La ya sheikh?”)

But there are good reasons for that, and they do not include me lying in my apartment poking my belly-button for the mere fun of it.

It’s been a hectic, eventful couple of weeks. If not the most eventful ever. Really. There were lots of first times in Dubai in it. (I can see where your thoughts are trailing, and no I’m not talking about that)

1- First traffic ticket. As I arrogantly cut in line in front of tens of cars on a crammed exit, a policeman greeted me by recording my license plate. Thanks man.
2- First guests to crash at my place. I enjoyed your company, wish you stayed a little longer. They also had a synchronized snoring mechanism, in which the first was polite enough not to cut in snoring after the second.
First Dude: SNOOOOOORE
Second Dude: snore
FIRST Dude: SNOOOOOOOORE
Second Dude: snore
You get the picture

3- Going to Wild Wadi water park. Highlights include standing in line for 40 minutes for one ride. I understand the traffic congestions on the road, but in a fucking water park to slide down in less then 20 seconds is just beyond me. A Philiphina girl looked down and was too scared to go for it. So I screamed “Yallaaaaaaaa”. Everyone found that funny and joined me in screaming. However the girl didn’t budge. I got bored again and decided to sing “Heyyy, hey faisali” My friends though I’m embarrassing them. Finally, when I got to ride this was the conversation that went on as I slid down the slide at an astronomical speed.
Me(swallowing massive amounts of chlorine water): Glug glug glug!
Lung(to Brain): Dude, tell the idiot to shut his main orifice. I’m drowning here.
Brain(to Lung): Aye, Aye Captain. Operation Shut Down Orifice in operation now.
Mouth: Whaaaa?
Lung (to Brain): I think we already swallowed too much water here.
Brain: What are you saying? Don’t tell me..NO!
Lung: I’m afraid so! initiate Operation Permanent Shut Down..
Brain: No please don’t..
Lung: Just push the damn red button.
Brain: It’s been a pleasure serving with you captain.
Lung: You too
Silence
Me: Hey I arrived. I’m still alive. Yay!

4- Going to the Kanye West concert. Highlights include:
Some chick spasming in the middle of the concert.
Nearly getting into a fight with a half-naked dude that turns out was actually hitting on my friend and was asking him to “go out for a talk”.
Kanye’s “Stronger” performance with glow in the dark jacket.
Kanye dancing like a possessed maniac in "Jesus Walks"

5- Next I decided to get in touch with my terrorist roots, so I went shooting and got 3 bull’s eyes which supports my parent’s theory and nullifies mine that I am adopted and am really originally Palestinian. Any terrorist group wanna hire my services? Qaeda, someone? My hourly rate is set to 560 Dhs for the sheer joy of my company, I don't see how being a terrorist should be different.

Errr. We already established that I’m joking before, right? I’m not ready to be shipped to Guantanmo yet and orange doesn't suit my fashion sense.

Me(flailing the gun around): Look at me, take a picture of me with the gun!
Instructor and Friend: GAAAAAAA!
Instructor: Please sir, keep the gun on the platform.
Me: Hehe, don't worry, it's not loaded!

On another note Momo called and is looking to invest 10-20 million in Jordan. Anyone interested?

9 comments:

KJ said...

LOOOL

man you're a nut case


Where did you go shoot btw? I wanna go. Do they have Beretta M9 or a CX Storm?

wonders said...

We, wonders and/or all wonders blogs/posts/comments hereby officially disown expated.

Anti terrorist people, i swear i don't know this guy.

Completely Anonymous and 100% Private said...

LMAO...you are crazy!

I am thinking about moving to Dubai..how is it down there?

Kinano said...

loooooool

Does the word "crazy" mean anything to you?! :P

ammaro.com said...

whahaaha, love your sense of sarcasm. yes, i get the point where your friends think youre embarrasing them. i tend to do that to my friends quite a bit.

Expated in Dubai said...

@kj, Yeah man, they let you chose your options out of AK-47, M-16 and a Russian Tank. What, you wanna liberate the Golan Heights?
I went to Jebel Ali Shooting Club.
@wonders, C'mon you know you can't do much without me here, hehe..
@Completely Anonymous and 100% Private, thanks I guess.check out the rest of my posts to know what life in Dubai is like. So far it's been fucking incredible..
@kinano, no it doesn't but my cellmate thinks he heard it somewhere :P
@ammarco.com, I love my sense of sarcasm too..hehe

Made in Jordan said...

The conversation between your brains and your lungs reminded me of "Es'aalou Labiba" for a second! Hilarious!

And by the way, just for the record, only a Jordanian would say: "Well, why don't you guess where am I from?". What I've also learned is that we're also infamous for asking people to guess how old we are.

Expated in Dubai said...

Actually that show used to creep me out, a girl with hair for hunds (shudders) I was a big fan of "kaan ya makan" though, that was an excellent, educational show.

I still explain to people how the body works based on that show.

hehehe, ok you're embarassing me now because I do the age guessing all the time..

I guess I am typical

Sara said...

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